Myshkin in Me...

“Here. You should just take it then.”

He stood smiling at me, holding the hardback copy of Dostoevsky’s The Idiot out with his extended arm. I caught sight of his eyes; they were a grey/blue and slightly bloodshot from the early-morning set up in his shabby garage. When he spoke I smelled a bit of coffee on his breath that instantly reminded me of my 3rd grade teacher Mr. Tipton who offered the same aroma when he spoke closely in reprimand or to correct your work..

“I haven’t any money” I said. I lied, slightly, truth-be-told I didn’t have any – not any I should be spending at a garage sale.

“Neither do I!” He said matter-of-factly. “I’m just hoping to rid this old shithole of a few whatnots so’s to make room for some more shit.” He laughed but failed to avert his eyes from mine and dutifully maintained his giving posture of book offered.

I laughed nervously and dropped my eyes to the well-turned copy of The Idiot in his hand.

“…You sorta remind me of ole' Myshkin in many ways”

“How’s that?” I responded looking back up at him.

“You got a good view on things but you keep getting’ caught up by society's pliers. Nobody wants to help you get anywhere but rather get you down in the hole that they’re in... Sound about right?”

“Sounds like a song.”

“Probably is...” He paused and smiled again. “Take the book son. When you’re done with it give it to someone else and tell them to do the same.”

I took hold of the book with both hands and pulled it towards me. I looked down at it again and was very thankful. I began to initiate my appreciation…

“Nope. Nope. Nope. You’re very welcome. Keep your eyes on the horizon Son.”

He smiled again and briskly turned to a woman to his left who was inspecting a glass plate on his table. “…Oh that was my wife's and she used to…”

I turned and walked out of the man’s garage and down the driveway. I looked back once I hit the sidewalk. The old man smiled and nodded at me from over the shoulder of the woman in front of him.

I stuck the book under my arm and held it there firmly.

I walked away and committed to extending this man’s kindheartedness.