Fritz was a ham, a real slapstick of a jokester with a headful of sidesplitting stories and a fast-talking voice that could deliver unexpected punchlines and countless "What'da-call-a..." jokes in manners that'd leave a guy or gal on the receiving end doubled over in pure bellyache laughter! He was a hoot, but he wasn't the kid folks grew annoyed with! Not at all! He was a powder-keg, a clown of a kid ready to blow-up ANY ole' social scene with laugher so intense, ladies' eyes would water and grown men would beg him to stop for fear that they'd not be able to catch their breath!
Fritz always went around with this gal named Ida. Ida was Fritz's hand-in-hand, partner in crime, "Bonnie Parker" to his "Clyde Barrow!" She had a personality that'd make the wildest of women blush, and she could carry the attention of an entire room full of people with her charisma and thirst for the humor in life alone!
The two would bust into a house party or explode onto a summer afternoon picnic and walk straight for the folks they never met before! If the host or hostess gave their guests no forewarning of the greatness about to ensue, Fritz would B-line straight at'em with big grin and hand offered for the shaking! Ida would be on his heels, staged and readied!
"Hiya, Pal!" He'd say, smiling from ear to ear, wildly shaking the guy or gal's hand with both of his, "Well, I'm ole' J. Fritz Hemmer! You can call me Fritz, just don't call me Kaiser Fritz or I-gotta-take-a-"Fritz!" And, this here's my ole' longtime gal-pal and never-to-be-without companion for life.....wait!" He'd pause and place both his hands on his hips and turn to study Ida. "Uh, now, what was your name again there, tootsie?" He'd ask Ida in jest.
She, in turn, would skip NO beat and in a forced and theatrical Southernly accent she'd play right along, complete with giggles and batting eyelashes...
"Why, Mister, you are a devilish one, but I do not believe I have quite had the pleasure to meet your acquaintance!"
Taking his hat off and bowing, Fritz would introduce himself to Ida using the exact same Kaiser Wilhelm and synonym for defecating references, then he'd toss his hat over his shoulder and embrace Ida, bending her backwards, and he'd kiss her lovingly in front of the very people with whom they just met!
Complete, Fritz would upright Ida, and she'd stand back acting surprised and dazed, wiping her mouth, and she'd SLAP Fritz across his cheek! Now center of the entire party, Fritz would do his best to look startled, and he'd clasp his cheek and look at his new friends for solutions. This was Ida's cue to rush Fritz and embrace him, and bend him backwards, and give him one helluva long, Hollywoodized kiss that cause not a single soul within eye or earshot to be still! All party goers would break-loose and slap one another on the backs and fold over in the greatest, riotous laugher you ever did hear!
THIS was Fritz and Ida.
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