Confiding & Wives in the Other Room...

“Pete you gotta remember: nothing ever happens to the time... why you can curse at it and stab at it with your finger and holler ‘You’re not touching me! …and you’re not stopping me from doing what I’m gonna do!’ but in reality it’s not true is it?”

“No… I mean, ya.”

“Right. See? You’ve got to pick it up man! …and you’ve gotta slap yourself on the fucking back every-now-and-then and you gotta tell yourself that you’re doing a good job! Right?” [hands raised out to the side in question]

“Yea”

“General Dwight D. Eisenhower, he was a general then I think, said ‘I never saw a pessimistic General win a battle!’ Makes sense eh?”

“Ya it’does”

“Hell ya it does! …You know, about three years ago I was in this restaurant [cough, cough] in ah, Oklahoma -- some shit-hole of-a-place about ten miles outside Tulsa -- and I was sitting there, alone… in one of those 24-hour pancake places. It was, oh, midnight or some shit and I was waiting for the lady to come to my end of the counter. Well quite a while past, I’m sure it was only fifteen/twenty minutes or so but you know how time slows way-the-fuck-down in a restaurant… anyways, I was starting to get pissed, real pissed! I was gonna blow my top off at the first waitress I saw, I could feeeeeeel it and then like bam! [a single clap of hands] there she was! She looks down at me and smiles and says ‘I am soooo sorry it took so long’ She leaned in closer and whispered at me and pointed with her thumb. ‘The guy at the other end was being a real prick about how watery his eggs were … all over eggs! Some folks get all bent about the smallest things! Would you like some coffee?’ She shrugged her shoulders at me and I, well I immediately caaaaaaaaaalmed dooooowwwn you see? I couldn’t give this poor gal a second helping of bad attitude so I just reached deep within myself sorta and pulled out the most positive, gentleman like persona I could muster! … Not fake Pete, but sincere positive attitude.

“Hmm”

“Now of course you’re not always gonna be in a dinner or some-fucking-place but the thing I’m trying to emphasize here is that the same tactic I used that very second – the same reaching-in-and-grabbing-myself-by-the-balls tactic I used then I use every single day when I’m in the middle of some real shit!”
“Ya.”

“Shit! Here comes the gals ...you want another beer?”

“Yes please.”